happy birthday, alice

How wonderful that Alice of "Dancing Under the Gallows" is celebrating her 107th birthday today, which is also the National Day of Listening.
I hope more people take the time to listen to this remarkable woman's story. 

(In case you didn't know, Alice is the oldest living survivor of the Holocaust.  Her compassion, tolerance, and more importantly, forgiveness are inspiring.)

invisible

feeling quite invisible
not the cool superpower
an afterthought
the elephant in the middle of the room
it fucking hurts

apparently also disposable

-------

But there is a light
The dear one
Held as close
Defended and loved
Seen and heard
Hearfelt

tribe vs individual

--  Bricks  2009--

Watching as the 33rd Chilean miner emerges from the bowels of the earth, and I cannot help but to feel hope for humanity at this moment.  The fate of 33 men created a web of hope around the globe, and caused people to come together.
As I watched the rescue's progress tonight, I bounced from blog to blog looking for someone or something for me to connect with.  Found it.  Unfortunately, most of it is in a foreign language I don't know.  The title and quote combined with the mysterious subtitle make me wish I knew the language.

The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe. If you try it, you will be lonely often, and sometimes frightened. But no price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself...       - Nietzsche

As much as I want to take ownership of myself, tonight's rescue speaks volumes for the spirit of the tribe.

(quote credited to mysterious blog:  "my sanctuary - hep gitmek isteyipte gidemediğim o yere, hep olmak isteyipte olamadığım o kişiye...")

lost & found

 -- 12BME 2010  --

In the past few months I've begun questioning who I am and what I've done with my life.  Don't get me wrong, it's been "fair to middlin'," and not a life about which I can honestly complain, but...I dunno.  I think I've spent far too much time afraid of disappointing people, and somewhere along the way I've failed to take care of myself.  Sure, I've done things that were good for me or for short-term gratification, but have I done what I wanted to do to develop who I would become?  Will I look back and be confident in the choices I've made?  I am the one who has to live with me, but 48 years into the game, I'm just now wondering who is "me?"  Funny, I can remember comments on my report cards that seemed to stifle who I could have become; "...is a daydreamer,"  and "...often does own thing."  I think that if I had been praised rather than admonished for such characteristics, then "...is not working toward full potential" would never have been on my report cards, or perhaps less often. 

At what pivotal points in my life did I choose to sit down and be quiet rather than stand and speak out?  A couple of weeks ago, I made a conscious decision to become part of a campaign...to stand up.   I submitted paperwork requesting 2 days off from work, drove 1101 miles round trip, spent 2 nights in a Super 8, paid $8.50 to park, and $40 to pose for a portrait.  Yesterday, I became one of the faces of the NOH8 campaign,

and I couldn't feel any more confident about my decision than I do right now.  I met some amazing people, and had a blast doing something that I have never done before - actively participate in a cause.

I'm kinda liking the adult me I'm getting to know, but it saddens me when I imagine who I could have been.  While the world and I may have missed out on something extraordinary, I am who I am.  No apologies.

Advice to me from a dear friend -  "Always, always be yourself."

I'm working on that.

ask, tell

--  Clouded Heart 2010  --

I am very alone after a day filled with students to whom I fed the prescribed curriculum.  Stolen moments held true-life lessons of compassion and integrity shared with adolescents whose worlds are encapsulated in miniscule bubbles bulging with anger and hatred.  My news sources have been checked, and now it is time for myself; a time in which I scour my intellectual and creative sources, and take more than a moment to reflect.  This evening, I have learned more about myself and the world once again.

I try to make the world a better place, but at this very moment I hold back tears of both sadness and frustration because I am despised for nothing more than my hope to love whom I choose.  I want to speak out, but fear the potential consequences.  By denying myself, what sort of example do I set for the aforementioned students?

I am finding my voice, and its desire to be heard scares the hell out of me.